News broke on Tuesday 18th of October that Rockstar Games will officially be releasing the latest edition to their western franchise, Red Dead Redemption 2, in Fall 2017. This prompted an entire nation to kindly ask their least favourite Twitter user, Steve, to kindly “shut the fuck up” as he aggressively reminded his 28 followers that Red Dead Revolver came first.
Petitions were quickly set up on Change.org demanding Steve to “mind his own damn business” after seven of his hottest takes didn’t pick up much engagement with his Twitter following. Even a crudely edited image of the Monsters Inc protagonists photoshopped in front of the iconic red sunset went by unnoticed, gathering only one like and a “lol” from an egg that cannot be named for legal reasons.
Instead of accepting defeat, Steve then chose the path of the chaotic neutral by intensely reminding anyone who would listen that “Red Dead Revolver was ACTUALLY the first game” and that “John Marston could go and suck my dick”.
In an official statement from Twitter HQ this morning, it has been confirmed that Steve’s recent tactless behaviour has been noted and users are reminded not to be a douche canoe on their personal accounts following a string of complaints from users having to put up with his elitist nonsense.
Mrs B. McFarlane, the global head of PR for Twitter, had a personal message for the many Steve’s using the popular social media platform: “We all knew about Revolver you petulant turd… you’re not impressing anybody”.
If you’ve been at all affected by this news bulletin, please keep it to yourself.